In our first interview on the Hope Route Blog, we’re speaking with an incredible person – Amber „Flex” Banda from the Guardians of the Children Sun City Chapter.
If you’re from El Paso, Texas, you may know her voice from 96.3 KHEY Country Radio or you may have seen her at local biker events. She’s a radio host, mother, wife, biker, dancer, and a passionate child advocate.
Hello, Flex! It’s great to have you here. In a previous article, we introduced the Guardians of the Children and their mission (click here). From your perspective, what is it like to be a GOC member, and what inspired you to join? Also, why do you think motorcycles are such an important tool in helping abused children?
Flex: Being a part of GOC is like being a part of a family full of adopted adults. All backgrounds, all ages, and has forced me to be close to people who I would normally not hang out with, (in a good way, mostly). Sometime I think you could film a novela about us! For me growing up family was not a good term. It didn’t really mean anything to me, it had no bearing, no weight, no beautiful connotation. After being in GOC going on 6 years and meeting various chapters and outside supporters, I’ve learned that you really can create your own family and feel a deep connection with people who are basically strangers!
I had given birth to my 2nd daughter a few years before I joined GOC. I had extreme post-partum anxiety, especially when it came to reading/ seeing/ hearing about child abuse stories, esp locally. Seeing things pop up on social media would keep me awake and trouble me for weeks. During that time I read a quote that I say sparked everything. It said “complaining without action is called whining.” Now despite everything I’ve done through I have never had a victim mentality. So I made a cold call to the only child advocacy organization I knew at the time which was CPS. I asked how I could help. I became a member of their non profit Community Partners of El Paso, (and still am). I eventually found more child welfare organizations and went to various awareness events volunteering as an independent.
How are Motorcycles are an important part of helping children?
I think motorcycles can be an important part of helping children because they represent a toughness and a strength. And I think that to see something so hard be paired with such a soft mindset is important for kids to see. I think it helps to break the stereotypes of people. Often times kids grow up, thinking “bad guys” look like the big, scary, looking guy with tattoos. But in reality, it’s often someone that they know or doesn’t “look the part.” The bikes helped to break that stereotype, not only for kids, but for adults such as their family members as well. But the stereotype of the bikes also help to scare the people that it should scare. Because for the offenders, we are a completely different biker than we are for the kids.
You became a biker because of the Guardians’ mission. For many, the motorcycle world is often seen as mysterious or even intimidating. Was that true for you as well when you first got involved?
I’ve noticed on your Instagram that you often feature members of motorcycle clubs talking about charity events on your radio program. Would you say that many bikers are just good-hearted people who want to make a difference?
What’s your take on the biker community?
Flex: Before becoming a member, I had zero interaction with any bikers and had never been near a motorcycle before. My first experience with a biker was with one of our founding members, whose name is Tools. I think I upset him because I accidentally called the organization “Guardians of the Galaxy” and he didn’t look too happy. But this happened at the event I spoke about earlier where I gave a speech about my past child abuse. And after first experience with a group of bikers and them giving me an honorary tear-drop necklace, I was curious to learn more. Going into my first GOC meeting, my immediate thought was “why are all of these bikers wearing leather? It is hot,” haha! I had no idea what a cut was, what a patch was, what an MC was, I just knew I wanted to be an advocate. Then meeting other members of the El Paso motorcycle coalition was extremely intimidating for me. I do have anxiety when it comes to crowds, and I knew that there were a lot of rules that I had to follow when it came to MC protocol, even though we are a nonprofit, and I understand and respect that for the most part, in the biker realm, it is a “man’s world”.However I have learned to love the biker community of El Paso because of how real they are. They mean what they say and if they say they’re going to help they do. I too have gained their respect because they know what I do for GOC. And with the radio, I also like to promote the goodness and the charity and the big hearts and the realness of bikers that I’ve come to love and respect and help break that stereotype. I’ve been a part of many non-profits and the ones who are most sincere with their help are bikers. To me, the things they do for the community come from a more authentic and often-times empathetic place. Many people join biker groups because they want that shared bond and have gone through some sort of trauma, whether it’s PTSD, addiction, poverty, child abuse, etc, and because of that, their want and need to help seems even more fierce than other groups I’ve seen.
The Guardian’s motto, ‘From Victim to Victor’ is incredibly powerful. Many children – and even adults – struggle to overcome difficult situations and wonder how they can become victors in their own lives.
For people who don’t have access to professional therapy or the amazing support that GOC provides, do you think there’s a kind of „starter pack” for healing? Are there small steps or practices they can do on their own to start overcoming fear and trauma?
Flex: Love this question. I think a few things that definitely helped me were the things that seemed “too corny” or “cheesy” at first. Things like daily journaling words of gratitude, daily affirmations, going to bed and waking up at the same time, (keeping to a schedule) helped me. The structure kept me solid. Of course lifting weights has always been my form of meditation. Hard to have racing thoughts when you’re focusing on lifting with proper form.
I force myself to listen to 10 minutes of affirmations in the morning, (you can YouTube any number of these), and journal once a day at least 1 thing I am grateful for, (even if some days it was just coffee). In the beginning I was just going through the motions, but you have to do these daily and make it a habit because you’re trying to undo YEARS of negative self talk. Volunteering also helped me tremendously, because seeking purpose rather happiness was very healing. Focusing and caring for something or someone other than yourself can be very healing. Don’t let your pain go to waste.
Have you noticed any specific words, actions, or habits that seem to help children (or adults) during tough times?
Flex: “One step at a time.”
Box breathing helps me calm down; Slowly breathing.
Getting outside if possible for a walk in the sun
Listening to a happy song.
Lifting weights.
Smiling can trigger your body to think happy thoughts.
Writing down your thoughts, however you want. It’s like a healthy purge.
Your work as a radio host, gym trainer, dancer, and GOC member is so inspiring. You juggle so many roles while making a real difference in the lives of abused children and the broader community. How do you stay motivated? How do you manage to balance so many activities?
Flex: Thank you for saying that! I’m weird in the sense that I like schedules and lists and organization, which is good because that’s part of how I balance everything. I plan my events at least a week ahead. It’s hard because being in the entertainment industry means I don’t really have a set schedule but I try my best to schedule interviews/ events/ activities at the same times. I also schedule in down time/ rest. I’ve learned and I respect my limits. For example, I know the max number of interviews I can do back to back is two, so I’ll either schedule a break before a 3rd interview or just leave it at 2 for the day. As a mom my priority will always be my children, but I’m also fairly new at my career in radio which I’ve been growing in rapidly, so understanding that there’s no such thing as balance helps. Questions that help me prioritize things are “Will this matter in 5 minutes, 5 days, or 5 years?” as well as “The only people that will remember you worked on the weekends are your kids.” Thing is I actually love my job so working extra is oftentimes fun for me. I also try to include my family and even GOC in my work when I can.
Final Question:
What message would you like to share with our readers, especially young people who are struggling with depression or other mental health challenges?
Flex: Seeking purpose will help you more than seeking happiness. Initiative is the biggest thing you need. No one is going to save you. You may never get the apology you deserve and you have to make peace with that. There are people who were hurt so they want others to hurt too, and then there are people who were hurt and therefore they want to make sure no-one else feels that pain. Decide which of those two you want to be and BE IT. If you want to hurt others, I have no words for you. But if you decide to be the person who doesn’t want others to feel the same pain you did, then do something. Yes therapy can work, but personally the best therapy is putting your pain to work for you, not against you. If you know what it feels like to go hungry, help feed the homeless. If you know what it feels like to be lonely, go read to the elderly who have no family. If you know what it feels like to be angry, go volunteer at an animal shelter where the puppies just want to lick your face. If you had a bad childhood, volunteer at a child advocacy center and be the person you needed growing up. It won’t fix everything, but it’s a start. Happiness and recovery is daily work. People who’ve had trauma done to them are forced to have to work and fight harder for their happiness, but it’s worth it. You will have good days and bad days, eventually the good will be more and more. Fake it til you make it. I’m living proof you can and will make it.
Links:
https://www.instagram.com/amber_banda915
https://www.facebook.com/gocsuncitychapter
https://guardiansofthechildren.com
https://www.facebook.com/InternationalGuardiansofthechildren
